Feeling out of place

I like am out of place within my family. Things happen in my family that have affected my life in a negtive way. I often feel like most of the fighting that goes on in my household is in same way do what ever I do. I often feel like I have failed my parents in some way. I always seem to ask myself " AM I every going to do anything right for my parent?" but then ? I remind myself that am doing for me to make me a better person and to become a strong person.

when is it enough

I often wonder how can you be in a relationship and feel like that relationship is hurting you rather then helping you become a better person. why is it that some people don't want to see throught thier partner eyes. I guess in life I NEVER really had someone to care for me as this person who shall remain nameless dose but, I feel like we spend most our time fighting then anything else. I understand that he wants to be helpful but sometimes I think he over dose it. There are times that I wonder how did i let myself get cought up in something like this ? How can i help this person relize how what he dose affect me ?

What I live with

In life there are people that make you feel like you are nothing other people might tell you that you need to get away from them but,what if you can't get away from them because they are your own family memebers. This might come as a suprise to the few people who read this blog Ilive in a house where my morther gets abuse by my farther and my father has a drug habit that he can't control . When he is ask why dose he use the drugs to begin with his reply is " I use them becuse they help me relax when me and your mom argue " He says that he can stop using if he really wants to but i dont think he can because his body is use to the way it feels when he dose the drug so two questions remain 1)How do you help some one who dosen't want any but badly needs it? 2)how do you help someone who wants and needs help but is afriad to ask for any?

***** In memory of the columbine who were lost*****

Mommy.. Johnny brought a gun to school,He told his friends that it was cool,And when he pulled the trigger back,It shot with a great crack.Mommy, I was a good girl, I did What I was told,I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!But Mommy, when I went to school that day,I never said good-bye,I'm sorry Mommy, I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.When Johnny shot the gun, He hit me and another,And all because Johnny, Got the gun from his older brother.Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,And please tell Trevor; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now,And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best;Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest.Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass.Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one deserves this,Mommy, warn the others, Mommy I left without a kiss.And Mommy tell the doctors; I know they really did try,I think I even saw a doctor, Trying not to cry.Mommy, I'm slowly dying, With a bullet in my chest,But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest.Mommy I ran as fast as I could,When I heard that crack, Mommy, listen to me if you would,I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new,I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo.I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,I wanted to be an actress, Mommy, I wanted to live.But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,Mommy, tell my Trevor, I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date.I love you Mommy, I always have, I know; you know it's true,And Mommy all I wanted to say is, "Mommy, I love you."****In Memory of The Columbine Students Who Were Lost****Please if you would,Pass this around,I'd be happy if you could,Don't smash this on the ground.If you pass this on,Maybe people will cry,Just keep this in your heart,For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye"

Hope Part II

I stay up late thinking of one person I care so much about that there are no words to describe what this person makes me feel. At times I feel him so close and yet he is so far away. The fact that he is willing to look past the physical is a huge suprise to me because I haven't come across anyone like him before. He is truely one of kind I fill an empty space deep within my soul and everytime I hear his voice I can't help but smile.

Feeling for someone I hardly even know

It amazes me how I can have these strong feeling for someone that I hardly even know.

My heart is telling me to let him love you the way he wants to but, My mind is telling me to not to let him. I often wonder if he is the one that am supose to be with or not I guess I will never really know because I never give him a chance to love me the way he wanted to. I lay in bed at night thinking and dreaming what a day with him would be like. Not a mintues goes by that I don't think about this person. He has open my mind to the possiblity that not all guys are alike there are a few good men left on this earth. Every women that has said "i wish that one man would just prove to me that they are not all alike" Well I think I got my proof am just to blind to see it or maybe I don't want to believe it. All I can say as of now am glad that he came into my life when he did

confuse

Life is full of ups and downs sometimes you may feel as thought nothing in your life is going the way you would like for things to be going. There are times were you might think to yourself " This it I can't take this any more" You begin to think about what can you do to slove your issue. Many ideas come to mind but a big question is left in your after you have done all your thinking

"CAN I DO IT ALONE?"

The broken heart by michael kowis

the heart of love is broken like a wine glass in a cellar those who fail to see the shattered pieces of that lovers pastshall undoubtedly stumble upon the shards of broken trustfeelings of being scared and a torn up pastyet for those who seek the truth a mess they shall seebut like a broom willing to sweep up the debristhey shall soon find true harmonyfor that heart again may yet be filled with hope, like fine wineto fill a heart of love divine for yet this heart may yet be wholejust like a fine dinner bowl

Candle of Love...

Few people come into our livesand make everything shine,but you're one of thoserare and splendid jewelswho makes the whole world bright.When I was sad, you made me smile.When I was alone and blue,you were there for me,and you made me feel strong enoughto accomplish anything.Because I appreciatethe many things you do,more than words could say,I'm sending you the Candle of Love,and hoping you receivemany blessings from above.

In loving memory of Marcos N. Flores 3-10-09

God looked around His garden and He found an empty place, He then looked upon this earth and saw your tired face. He put His arms around you and lifted you to rest God's garden must be beautiful for He always takes the best. He knew that you were suffering and He knew that you were in pain, He knew that you would never get well on earth again. He saw the road was getting rough and the hills were hard to climb, so He close your weary eyes and whispered "peace be thine." It broke our hearts to lose you but you did not go alone, for parts of us went with you the day God called you home

When Ure Hero Falls

when your hero falls from graceall fairy tales r uncoveredmyths exposed and pain magnifiedthe greatest pain discoveredu taught me 2 be strongbut im confused 2 c u so weaku said never 2 give upand it hurts 2 c u welcome defeatwhen ure hero falls so do the starsand so does the perception of tomorrowwithout my hero there is onlyme alone 2 deal with my sorrowyour heart ceases 2 workand your soul is not happy at allwhat r u expected 2 dowhen ure only hero falls

-Tupac Shakur

In Times of Gratitude

O God,
You know how relieved and grateful I am for the good news
I have received! Naturally,I was apprehensive hoping for
the best, but often worrying and imagining the worst.

Thank you for begin with me and enabling me to handle
the tension and anxiety that were min. With the question
marks behind, may I new devote my thoughts and energy
to becoming healthier and stronger each day. Amen

God's love

God's love is ever boundless

It spands a world-wide chart;

Yet it reaches down to you and me

And dwells within our hearts.

God's love is ever fathful,

Steadfast through every day.

A love that never forsake.

He'll be with us always.

God's love is never-changing

He's everyday the same.

He loves us now. He always will.

Oh, gloy to His Name!

God's love is never-ending,

Lasts through eternity.

Forever and forevermore.

His love for us shall be!

-Beverly J. Anderson

Silent Sermon

A member of a certain church, who was prrviously had been attending services regularly, stopped going. After a few weeks, the preacher decided to visit him. It was a chilly evening, The preacher found the man at home alone, sitting before a blazing fire. Guessing the reason for his preachers visit, the man welcomed him, led him to a comfortable chair near the fireplace and waited.

The preacher made himself at home but said nothing. In the grave silence, he contemplated the dance of the flames around burning logs. After some minutes, the preacher took the fire thongs, carefully picked up a brightly burining ember and place it to one side of the hearth all alone then he sat back in his chair, still silent.

The host watched all the quiet cotemplation. As one lone ember's flame flickered and diminished, there was a momentary glow and then its fire was no more. Soon it was cold and dead. Not a word had been spoken since the initial greeting. The peacher glanced at his watch and realized it was time to leave . He slowly stood up, picked up the cold, dead, ember andplaced it back in the middle of the fire. Immediately it began to glow, once more with the light and warmth of the burning coals around it.

As the preacher reached the door to leave, his host said with a tear running down his cheek, " Thank you so much for your visit and especially for the firey sermon. I shall be back in church next sunday. We live in a world today, which tries to say too much with too little.Consequently, few listen. Sometimes the best sermons are the ones left unspoken.

View of a person

Life can be good for a while but everything can start going bad in a second. You might feel like you know someone well enough but then you will be suprise what you can find out about that person just by talking to someone close to them. The things that you find out changes how you see that person.