when is it enough

I often wonder how can you be in a relationship and feel like that relationship is hurting you rather then helping you become a better person. why is it that some people don't want to see throught thier partner eyes. I guess in life I NEVER really had someone to care for me as this person who shall remain nameless dose but, I feel like we spend most our time fighting then anything else. I understand that he wants to be helpful but sometimes I think he over dose it. There are times that I wonder how did i let myself get cought up in something like this ? How can i help this person relize how what he dose affect me ?

What I live with

In life there are people that make you feel like you are nothing other people might tell you that you need to get away from them but,what if you can't get away from them because they are your own family memebers. This might come as a suprise to the few people who read this blog Ilive in a house where my morther gets abuse by my farther and my father has a drug habit that he can't control . When he is ask why dose he use the drugs to begin with his reply is " I use them becuse they help me relax when me and your mom argue " He says that he can stop using if he really wants to but i dont think he can because his body is use to the way it feels when he dose the drug so two questions remain 1)How do you help some one who dosen't want any but badly needs it? 2)how do you help someone who wants and needs help but is afriad to ask for any?

***** In memory of the columbine who were lost*****

Mommy.. Johnny brought a gun to school,He told his friends that it was cool,And when he pulled the trigger back,It shot with a great crack.Mommy, I was a good girl, I did What I was told,I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!But Mommy, when I went to school that day,I never said good-bye,I'm sorry Mommy, I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.When Johnny shot the gun, He hit me and another,And all because Johnny, Got the gun from his older brother.Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,And please tell Trevor; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now,And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best;Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest.Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass.Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one deserves this,Mommy, warn the others, Mommy I left without a kiss.And Mommy tell the doctors; I know they really did try,I think I even saw a doctor, Trying not to cry.Mommy, I'm slowly dying, With a bullet in my chest,But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest.Mommy I ran as fast as I could,When I heard that crack, Mommy, listen to me if you would,I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new,I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo.I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,I wanted to be an actress, Mommy, I wanted to live.But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,Mommy, tell my Trevor, I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date.I love you Mommy, I always have, I know; you know it's true,And Mommy all I wanted to say is, "Mommy, I love you."****In Memory of The Columbine Students Who Were Lost****Please if you would,Pass this around,I'd be happy if you could,Don't smash this on the ground.If you pass this on,Maybe people will cry,Just keep this in your heart,For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye"

Hope Part II

I stay up late thinking of one person I care so much about that there are no words to describe what this person makes me feel. At times I feel him so close and yet he is so far away. The fact that he is willing to look past the physical is a huge suprise to me because I haven't come across anyone like him before. He is truely one of kind I fill an empty space deep within my soul and everytime I hear his voice I can't help but smile.

Feeling for someone I hardly even know

It amazes me how I can have these strong feeling for someone that I hardly even know.

My heart is telling me to let him love you the way he wants to but, My mind is telling me to not to let him. I often wonder if he is the one that am supose to be with or not I guess I will never really know because I never give him a chance to love me the way he wanted to. I lay in bed at night thinking and dreaming what a day with him would be like. Not a mintues goes by that I don't think about this person. He has open my mind to the possiblity that not all guys are alike there are a few good men left on this earth. Every women that has said "i wish that one man would just prove to me that they are not all alike" Well I think I got my proof am just to blind to see it or maybe I don't want to believe it. All I can say as of now am glad that he came into my life when he did