My current Reality

I have noticed that for most people that have given me advice have tried their best to understand but the reality is that they don't fully understand. When I just think about the journey I have taken I can't help but let the tears flow, for those of you who don't know they are more than welcome to read past blogs.

Me unmasked

Sometimes I just think I need to take a step back and just look at everything that I been through. I have people questioning my spiritual life. People worship god different. I hope and pray that god keeps people that mean a lot to me in my life. I have never been one to hold back my feelings. But, these past couple of months have been so painful and I have just been going through the motions of everything. God has blessed me with a loving heart. It has been broken. God please help me be the best version of me I can be.

Tough to understand

It has been a while since I have written anything. Right now I am feeling different emotions. The main two are hurt and confused. I was baptize last year in August. Along with the happiest of that I tried to tell myself that I was ok with the way things ended with my romantic relationship but the reality is that I wasn't. I dealt with it the best way I could and after a while I was ok. Every one in my spiritual family kept saying that I just need to be patient. Which has been a true test for me. I know for most people in my spiritual family it's not easy to understand why it seems like am putting a person before God. All I have ever done is be the caring and loving person god bless me to be. As for the romantic relationship I feel like I have to hide how I feel because no one understands. Dating is different for me cause of my disability and now my faith. I think to myself am I going to be good enough for a future husband. I do have faith in God I always have. Is it bad that I want a relationship?

my soul broken in two.

God, I come to you with my soul broken in two. I always wonder what you have planned for me?  You know why my heart aches for the lost of a romantic love that felt like you created it just for me. It has been a struggle for me to not have a heavy heart when it comes to Pedro. I beg that you help me not to feel sad.

Rough

It has been one up hill battle for me this past of couple weeks.  I have acted like I am doing ok but deep inside I am torn to a million of pieces. I often wonder where did I go wrong?  I can't change the way I feel. I am learning that everyone is selfish. Is it time for me to be that way?  I have always wonder why has God kept me on this earth if I am not helping those he has placed in my path?