Revealing pain beginning

When you spend time alone you think of life.
I find it hard not to think of the reality of what my life is. I know it is difficult for those around me to fully understand what I try my best to explain with out making it sound like I want pity. The simple fact is that I try my best to develop friendship between myself and others I don't let people in. The reason why is because I have so many scars from everything I have been through. The few people who are close to me know all my battles.

Outcast

It it very rare when people are honest with me. I feel like am losing honest friendship. Am often told that am to emotional and am to over dramatic.

Here is a tip for everyone people with disabilities are part of society to. Don't treat us like we don't matter. If you don't know how to interact with people who have disabilities Don't be sacred to ask questions.

Evening prayer

God I know it's late but I know you always listening I first want to thank for the blessings that you given me as well as my spiritual family. I lift up all my sisters to you please help them find comfort in you and your word. Keep all my spiritual family as well as my physical family in your loving arms. I hope that my grandpa and dad are proud of the women am becoming. Continue to soften Pedro heart gentle reminder him that regardless of what anyone says or does you are the only one who has the last saying.
                                    Amen

Morning Prayer

God, I come to you to ask that you give all your daughters any blessing you deem appropriate for them at this point in their life. I ask that you help me not to be afraid to let my spiritual sisters see my raw heart for what it actually is. Help my recovery from any misunderstanding or hurt that I may have caused to a sister or brother. I also pray that you open the minds of those that want to get to know you. God, I pray for my brothers that you help them to be the best sons for you. Please give Pedro the mental and emotional strength to go through any hardship that he may be facing. As for my brother, Jay reminds him that you will guide him to the place where you have set for him that only he can fill.

My current Reality

I have noticed that for most people that have given me advice have tried their best to understand but the reality is that they don't fully understand. When I just think about the journey I have taken I can't help but let the tears flow, for those of you who don't know they are more than welcome to read past blogs.

Me unmasked

Sometimes I just think I need to take a step back and just look at everything that I been through. I have people questioning my spiritual life. People worship god different. I hope and pray that god keeps people that mean a lot to me in my life. I have never been one to hold back my feelings. But, these past couple of months have been so painful and I have just been going through the motions of everything. God has blessed me with a loving heart. It has been broken. God please help me be the best version of me I can be.

Tough to understand

It has been a while since I have written anything. Right now I am feeling different emotions. The main two are hurt and confused. I was baptize last year in August. Along with the happiest of that I tried to tell myself that I was ok with the way things ended with my romantic relationship but the reality is that I wasn't. I dealt with it the best way I could and after a while I was ok. Every one in my spiritual family kept saying that I just need to be patient. Which has been a true test for me. I know for most people in my spiritual family it's not easy to understand why it seems like am putting a person before God. All I have ever done is be the caring and loving person god bless me to be. As for the romantic relationship I feel like I have to hide how I feel because no one understands. Dating is different for me cause of my disability and now my faith. I think to myself am I going to be good enough for a future husband. I do have faith in God I always have. Is it bad that I want a relationship?